Darling, it's Valentines! (And National Bacon Day.)

So you all know what today is! National Bacon Day!!! Oh, wait, but that's not the day that I am blogging about. I am blogging about Valentine's Day!

My dearest darling Valentine Susan: I love you so much (as if you couldn't tell.) You must love me too, because your brother keeps spamming my account. And your older brother sends me threats. I think he wants me to leave you alone, but nothing can come between true love! I know that we have something special because you blocked me and refuse to answer any of my emails. I love you so much, Susan, darling, that I will give up the One Piece of Bacon for you!

Woah, like DUDE! You are soooooooooooooooooo terrible with the ladies, man! Let Boromir the Evil Stalker give you some lessons!

Hey, Susie! I made this like sick valentine for you. Did you know that you are gorgeous? And cute? And gorgeous? And cute? And gorgeous? And cute?

Dude! Dude! Dude! That is SOOOOOOOO not right! I, the Great Muscled Prince, will show you!

Susan the Gentle, you beauty is more radiant that five thousand stars. You take my breath away every time I look upon your porcelain skin. And you are hot. I love you. Love, O Great Muscled Prince Rabadash.

I'm gonna stick to bacon now, guys. Thanks for your lame advice on Susan. BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH YAH! IT'S NATIONAL BACON DAY!!! BOOYAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Love, Caspy the Very Manly