101 Things That Susan Hates About Caspy the Fake

Hello! This is Queen Lucy the Valiant. When Caspy texted me and asked if I would be willing to write a guest post for his blog, I literally jumped at the idea. Here's my reason: Caspy agreed to post whatever I wrote -- WHATEVER! So I can write the honest truth about him and he will be forced to post it.

Recently, I began writing the sequel to my best selling book, What To Do When Your Sister Has Horrible Suitors (1015).  My new book, being released the summer of 1016, is titled, What To Do When Your Brother(s) Chase Away Your Suitors. 

But as I was thinking about the difference between unwanted suitors and wanted suitors, I began to remember Mr. Tumnus's book, A Tale of Two Suitors, which told the story of the two worst suitors that ever came before my sister. In fact, one suitor seemed so courteous while staying at Cair Paravel with us that Edmund, Susan, and Mr. Tumnus went to visit him in his capitol of Tashbaan, where he showed an entirely different face. That suitor was none other than O Great Muscled Prince Rabadash of Calormen. As for the second suitor, as you have probably guessed, his name was Caspy the Fake. The very same Caspy that I am writing this blog post for.

So as I pondered all of this, I began to make a list of all the things that Susan hates about Caspy. (I made one about Rabadash as well.) This small task became massive quite quickly and I decided to turn it into a novellet. As a sneak preview, I am going to reveal the first eleven things that my sister hates about Caspy the Fake.

101 Things That Susan Hates About Caspy the Fake

101. He's ugly.
100. He uses too many unmanly scented lotions.
99. Despite using lotions, he never showers.
98. His fingernails are gross.
97. He lets his pet octopus sleep in his bed.
96. He eats bacon for lunch.
95. He eats bacon for dinner.
94. He eats bacon for a snack.
93. He eats bacon for dessert.
92. He tried to kiss her.
91. His accent sounds like fingernails scraped across a chalkboard.
90. He doesn't wash his hair regularly.

Those are only ten of the things that she despises about him. Read the rest in 101 Things That Susan Hates About Caspy the Fake, coming Fall 1016!

-- Lucy Pevensie, the Valiant Queen of Narnia

When transported through a magic wardrobe to Narnia, Lucy Pevensie and her siblings defeated the White Witch before Aslan made them Kings and Queens of the land. Her books are inspired by her true experiences. Her first success as an author came when she published, The Land of Spare Oom, and its sequel, The Shining City of War Drobe, in 1002 and 1003, respectively. Following that success, For King and Country Fought and Died won the Tree of Protection Fiction prize. Her numerous works have won many acclaimed prizes, including the Lone Islands Non-Fiction Award (How to Rid Your Island of Greedy Governors), the Society of Glum Marshwiggles Award (When Your Castle Lies in Ruin), and the coveted Lion's Leap award for Best Novel of the Year (The Face That No Brother Can Deny). Lucy Pevensie now resides in Cair Paravel where she rules Narnia alongside her siblings, Peter, Susan, and Edmund.